It's sad that while I was in New York this weekend - a trip I will never forget - The North of England was suffering the worst flooding in 'a thousand years of records.' Whilst I wasn't aware records had been kept that long, a number of people very sadly died and many were left homeless.
Equally sad is that in spite of this natural disaster - no doubt inspired by the climate change that is (as Exxon says) 'a figment of scientific imagination' - it seems the majority of news coverage in the UK over the period was dedicated to the launch of the new Twilight movie - New Moon, Premiership Football Team Wigan's record 9-1 loss to Tottenham and Robbie Williams threat to reform with Take That. And of course there has been much ado about nothing regarding the talentless, stupid, incapable pair of tits formerly known as model Jordan - leaving the jungle in 'I'm a celebrity get me out of here' - but I'm not going to even touch that Twat...
New Moon - the latest in the Twilight Saga, starring the delightfully ordinary Kristen Stewart, the delightfully buff Taylor Lautner and the delightfully enchanting Robert Pattinson, has been universally slammed by the critics for being too long, too choppy and too pubescent. Despite his air-brushed on Abs - apparently Pattinson is once again 'smouldering and sexy' whilst Lautner apparently put on 30lbs of muscle for the role and (thankfully) had a haircut...
Well, I haven't seen it yet but the world record-breaking opening weekend (taking £40 million) suggests that a number of other people share my thoughts in saying 'how can 2 hours of Taylor Lautner and Robert Pattinson be too long?' Indeed, I have read Stephanie Meyers novel and it was just... delightful. I've read Eclipse aswell and am currently making my way through BREAKING DAWN...
What I struggle to understand is how the critics pick up on the Saga's 'abstinence' theme but completely miss the fact that whilst Edward the Vampire looks 17 - he is in fact over 100 years old. Doesn't anyone find it kindof creepy that a 100 year old man is in love with a 17 year old klutz!? I mean... c'mon! Old feller dates back before Eau De Toillete and 'back, sack and cracks' were in vogue! Still, he is a benevolent vegetarian Vampire, and rich, so... (yes you all would!!!)
Premiership soccer team Wigan lost 9-1 to Tottenham Hotspur this weekend. Four hundred and fifty away fans watched in horror as their team failed to even rise to the occasion... Whilst the readio reports that the Wigan players were so ashamed, they will personally refund the fans ticket prices, I suspect in fact that the manager has 'encouraged' them to make this gesture from their reported salaries of £3-15,000 per week per player ('performance / capability' / individual contract dependant).
Other teams and commentators are suggesting the players are setting a unnecessary precedent with this gesture. I think not. In fact I believe it is very necesary.. For all teams! Soccer players rank at the top of the salary tree with Bill Gates (responsible for inflicting Microsoft Windows Vista on the world) and a host of other non-contributing painfully untalented 'musical performers' and 'TV and Film Actors.'
As one caller suggested - as a salesman, if he doesn't perform, he gets no commission... great idea - let's rationalise prima-donna footballers, performers and actors wages in line with performance in games, the league, the album charts and the box-office.
That is not to suggest that Kristen, Taylor and Rob get a slice of £40million - but perhaps a demi-slice with a maximum upper limit that reflects the difficult times being experienced by all peoples of the World from Africa to the USA...
Speaking of people who don't contribute and get paid far more than they will ever be worth... Robbie Williams has been, since he fired his song-writing chum Guy Chambers (for wanting to write on a non-exclusive basis) - easily as unsuccessful as his limited talent should merit. Take That however have flourished.
It's sad that Gary Barlow and co seem intent on inflicting the unsuspecting public with Mark Owens appalling lead vocal on so many of their songs. Unable to pronounce 'R' he at leasst initially tried to, but has now embraced the replacement 'W' whilst increasing his Mancunian dialect. Absolutely appalling. So bad it's laughable... if only it wasn't wepeated weally often on the wadio...
Stop singing please. You once were cute and could therefore be forgiven - but no more...
As I said, I'm not going to go into Jordan, even if I could get past those ridiculous melons... but I will mention that like the other top talentlessness that was Jade (Gawd rest her soul (I never have to see her ugly mug again)) Goody, she actually gets paid for being bloody stupid, irresponsible and for writing and talking bollocks.
Hmm, pehaps I can make some money yet...
Anyway, back to the most important events of the weekend...
How about that flooding?!
