‘Woke up,’
(at 5am)
‘fell out of bed,’
(admittedly a 3inch drop)
‘Dragged a comb across my head,’
(actually did some callisthenics, showered, shaved and got dressed – no comb anywhere near)…
‘Found my way downstairs,’
(okay – so walked next door into the huge living area of the £million apartment I rent with my buddy Chris)
‘And drank a cup,’
(a glass of Highland Spring and freshly squeezed Lemon Juice)
‘And looking up I noticed I was late,’
(Hmm, not true – had Ham, Egg and Cheese for breakfast, loaded the dishwasher, brushed my teeth and then noticed I was approaching my danger-deadline for departure)
‘Found my coat and grabbed my hat,’
(No… no coat – I have a 10 year old Navy Issue Jumper, grabbed my back-pack, flask-mug of Lady Grey and put on my Beret)
‘Made the bus in second splat,’
(okay, walked a hundred yards to my illegally parked car and checked for vandalism)
‘Found my way upstairs and had a smoke,’
(Don’t smoke – far too unhealthy, drove the painful 33 mile 1 hour trip to JHQ Northwood)
‘and Somebody spoke and I went into a dream,’
(and Phil made me a cup of tea, THEN I went into a dream)
I then checked my near empty in-box before spending the morning reading ‘Defence in the Media’ on the Intranet, then reading BBC World News. Around 10am, Neil made me another cup of ‘Lesbian Grey’ and I began writing e-mails to old comrades I had discovered on the Outlook Global Address List by (incredibly) typing in their names and then pressing CTRL K.
So what did I find on ‘D.I.T.M’? Hmm, an article in The Daily Mirror entitled ‘Last Man Out’s A Chicken’ about Royal Marine Brigadier Tim Chicken being the last UK Senior Officer to leave Iraq as part of the withdrawal of UK Forces. Crap headline, crap story and completely missed that the Royal Marine 1* was actually the final and only Navy ‘Green’ head of the Royal Navy training mission to the Iraqi Navy… Dark-Blue gets sidelined once again…
I then checked the casualties and deaths list for UK Military in Afghanistan… It reminds me why I am sitting at this desk in PJHQ…’supporting ops.’ So to date, 365 UK Servicemen have been killed of which 79 were over 30 years of age, 93 were between 26-30 years old, 132 were 21-25 years old and 61 were 18-20 years old.
Staggering.
More so when you realise that the 61 (a 6th of all fatalities) occupy the youngest and smallest age range. It gets worse when you consider that more than half of the fatalities are 18-25 years old.
What were you doing between the ages of 18 and 25? Drinking? shagging? Thinking about shagging? Planning your next holiday? Drinking? Brawling? Acting ‘tough’?
Let’s not forget that for every fatality, there are frequently on average 3 guys who come home minus 1, 2, 3 or even 4 limbs – they rarely get reported. And of course, this doesn’t include the 4,400 fresh cases of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder in service-men THIS YEAR ALONE.
So every day – I read that list as a reminder…
What about the BBC News?
OK – well Dr Liam Fox the Secretary of State for Defence will this-week witness the cutting of steel for HMS The Prince of Wales – one of 2 Royal Navy Aircraft Carriers being built at the cost of (currently) around £5.2 (now £7.7 Billion) but destined to be Great Britain’s largest White Elephants in history.
Why?
Well, as of last year, the Royal Navy’s Fast Jet Aviation Capability was scrapped (to be hopefully, maybe) regenerated in the 5 years before the new Carrier enters service. Did you see that? How easily I slipped form plural to singular? Good – that’s because the first Carrier is likely to be laid-up once completed as a. We will still be regenerating the capability to launch and recover Fast Jets and b. We will not have any money for Fast Jets to equip a Carrier until the second ‘Flat-top’ is built oh and c. The chosen F35 Jets may not be ready for service by then…
Meanwhile, in the RAF, Air Command has taken every opportunity possible to show that we (Britain) don’t need Aircraft carriers – they can fly bombing missions to Libya from the UK (despite perfectly serviceable airbases dotted around the Mediterranean). Regrettably Defence’s previous highly capable White Elephant – the Euro-fighter Typhoon, has no Air-to-Ground capability yet… Oh, they also have virtually no independent Air-to-Air refuelling assets… (14 new ones due in a few years at the cost of £10.5 Billion) and, they have no Ground Attack Helicopters – the Army have had to come to the rescue with those. THANK GOODNESS that just a handful of months ago, the Army and Navy worked so well together to trial the equipping, launching, recovery and refuelling of these assets from HMS OCEAN – The Royal Navy’s remaining ‘mini’ Flat-top. I hope it doesn’t break-down or we’ll be f”(k@d...
So, succinctly, as the ‘Arab Spring’ sees (previously) Egypt, Tunisia and Bahrain as hot-spots, and (currently) Libya, Bahrain, Oman, Yemen and the Horn of Africa, the RAF can fight the Battle of Britain but can barely operate against ground targets, the Navy can provide a Carrier Strike platform in 2020 – but without any aircraft or capability, and the Army can provide attack helicopters provided HMS OCEAN doesn’t break-down….
Hmmm...
Finally and onto my comrades…
I joined up in Jan 1992 together with over 100 other Officers. To date, I am aware of just a handful left; 1 has Commanded a Mine-Hunter, 1 has gained an MBE for Nuclear Engineering services to the Submarine Fleet, and 1 is now the XO of HMS Edinburgh – one of the last remaining Royal Navy Type 42 Destroyers which contributes to the fleet of 19 Frigates and Destroyers, 1 Amphibious Assault Ship and 1 Helicopter Carrier – not forgetting our highly expertise Mine-Counter Measures fleet of 12 (on continuous rotation to/from the Persian Gulf).
When I joined up we had 32 MCMVs, 34 Frigates and Destroyers, 2 Amphibious Assault Ships and 3 Aircraft Carriers…
Relevance? Well, the chance to ‘Command’ was slim then. It is almost non-existent now; and for me, having chosen a slightly different path to meet emerging threats (Counter-Terrorism) – it is non-existent. I toast my buddies for getting the best out of a bad-deal.
‘Tuna for lunch,
I check the news – again,
I watch the clock and take a piss,
Another cup of Grey,
A bag of nuts,
A pepperami,
The thrill of a day
As interesting as Salami,
I hit the Gym,
I watch the clock,
I re-hydrate and check the news,
At 5.55 I shut down the computer,
At 6pm I slip out of the office,
Only 10 hours of my life wasted-
I drive home,
Make a cup of tea,
Get changed and make dinner,
And then I sit and watch TV…
Counting the minutes till the clock strikes eleven,
6 hours sleep before I start it all again…
I count the days,
Between weekends,
I count the weeks,
Between holidays…’
And I know – except for those weekends and holidays, it’s ‘Same Shit, Different Day…’
