Focus! Focus! Focus!

I'm completely ragged. I went to the gym on Monday and pushed out 2 and a half hours in an effort to achieve an instantaneous extreme make-over... and I'm still recovering. Notwithstanding that, work is exhausting me... Why is it that despite explaining again and again the limitations of my unit's capabilities and flexibility, Other Government Departments just still don't get it? What's more Defence Attaches fail to understand that our higher up's do not like taking risk with only days left before deployment. Read like gobbledy-gook? Welcome to my world...

On a completely different subject - I'm still scratching my head asking 'What's it all about'? Why am I doing what I'm doing? Is it worth a shit? Have I wasted 20 years in the wrong profession? I suspect this is the lucid beginning of a mid-life crisis...

Despite being in the position I am and being paid an ok salary; despite being used to planning 6-12 months ahead, I haven't a bloody scoobie where I will be this time next year.

What do I know?

Well, I'm off to Bahrain for 6 months in Feb/Mar 2010. Working 12 hours a day for 6 days a week. And no, I don't get overtime.

I'm unlikely to get a break during this 'OPTOUR' and so the strain on relationships is likely to be significant.

When I get back, I may be on a 3 months Staff Course - or I may not.

Then or after then, I may be working from London (good) but my significant other is not yet ready to move away from Paris.

Or I may not be working from London and instead might be working for Portsmouth, Plymouth or Faslane (less likely) - which would put an enourmous strain on relationships.

I don't have any desire to live in my home in Birmingham but do have a desire to live in the US...

I will hit the big 40 on Dec 5th 2010 - and as with many of us, I will likely still be in an unstable position, working my bollocks off, struggling to see my loved ones and looking forward to leaving the Service to do WTF? So many ideas for me but truly a lack of focus....

Hmmm...

I think things were better when I was writing gobbledy-gook...