My back is still knackered and I’m not allowed to go to the gym at the moment. To most people that would be heaven – but it truly is hell for me. No gym means huge difficulty in sleeping. I’m shattered – dog tired – but unfortunately am only sleeping 2-3 hours a night now.
And I know that if I take ‘medicated’ sleeping pills I will turn into Mr Hyde – as it’s happened before.
When I was posted as a Staff Officer in NATO, I was bouncing around up to 3 countries a week – stressed to a level I really didn’t recognise and completely confused with time-zones. Eventually my brain went ‘cartoon’ wibble and I kind of lost 2 days completely. I drove from Ostend (Belgium) to Northwood (England) from a conference – presumably I went through the ‘Chunnel’ but in fact I may have just driven over the water for all I know. I think I drove around the M25 a few additional times as my vehicle covered an additional 200 miles I couldn’t account for. I came round in my quarters sitting on the most uncomfortable military ‘easy’ chair in the world wondering where I was and how I’d got there. I was dehydrated, exhausted and mentally… mental?
I went to the Dr - he welcomed me to the club, with the other 66% of Northwood Staff on Anti-depressant or Sleeping Pills! Shit! Now my eyes were open! Anyway, I was told ‘no more than 4 days on the pills’ as they were spectacularly addictive (stop taking this medication if you experience thoracic pain, or dimness of vision – this medication may cause excessive flatulence, headache, nausea, irregular liver function, mood swings (no shit) or hallucinations (I’ll have me some more please)).
Well, I took them for two days, slept 14 hours on each occasion and then literally turned into Mr Hyde in the Admirals Morning Briefing…. I saw two Polish Officers legitimately whispering to each other during the briefing so cut straight across to them, smashed there heads together, stamped on their faces and was removed in a straight jacket….
Ok, I’m exaggerating slightly – that’s what I felt like doing. Instead, as I cut across to them, I realised that my reaction was unusually violent. I went straight to my quarters and listened to Greensleeves and Bach’s ‘Sheep May Safely Graze.’ For most of the day. I chilled…
I kept the remaining 22 pills and have used no more than one when I’m suffering horrifically from Insomnia. Unfortunately, in that 3 year period, I have used them all and so am doooomed… No, actually I have some herbal pills that are the sized of photon torpedos – which I will try tonight.
Back to ‘Hell.’ I am not allowed a relaxing hot bath – it’s likely to relax the muscles that are holding my back together. I can’t have a glass of Red Wine with dinner, which sounds like another disaster for someone who collects some rather fine wine. However, as I haven’t had dinner since Monday and feel no compulsion to drink, it’s ok.
But my original problem stands. Fear = Hate = War = Fear… no, no, wrong one (although a good one). Try again…Back-pain = No gym = too much energy = no sleep = no appetite = reduced recovery rate = Back-pain. It doesn’t make me grumpy however… mad though, slightly mad.
